So attached to the human form,
it is hard not to take things personally.
Violently.
Maliciously.
Because I am a person,
or so I think.
I made a home out of the constellation of
blood and nerves and honeyed skin.
It functions on its own accord.
Subconsciously, unconsciously, consciously.
But this sophisticated machine
breaks down periodically.
And is periodically broken into.
Its walls have betrayed me.
Too soft, and inviting
in a callous world,
where wolves disguise themselves as men,
feasting ferally.
Take and take for the taking.
Gut me like a floundering fish.
Strip me of my womanhood,
until I forget what being a woman meant.
This body was a gracious country,
baring strange fruit,
turned waste land.
Verdant field dried up, sun scorched.
Bustling city to ghost town.
Haunted.
Blackend.
Ruined.
Am I ruined?
A lover once told me my pain was too heavy.
So I attempted to hide it.
Shoved the past under the Persian rug,
seams ripping apart, silken threads on oak floors.
Misery demands much room,
shattering windows,
collapsing doors.
Where to house the grief,
if not this body?
I contract and make myself smaller.
Speak less, am seen less, do less.
It is a puny muted way to live.
Safer, yet more prolix.
There are less intruders now.
The men cannot see the door,
and attempt to stomp it down.
But what if there is nothing more to protect?
Everything I held dear to me,
has already been stripped bare.
Clean.
The mosaic desk lamp,
the velvet arm chair,
the leather-bound notebook.
Gone.
Nothing was ever mine to keep,
not even myself.
-----------------------------------------------
Roxanne is a New Yorker turned nomad, currently living on an island in Thailand.
She works as a developmental editor and ghost writer, bringing other’s stories to fruition.
Roxanne has spent many years of her existence on a quest for truth and unraveling the many complexities of the human condition. Beyond her designated roles of writer, teacher, and humanitarian, she is a lover; a lover of life and all beings.
Connect with her on Instagram at roxy_vn
Check out her work at https://roxannenagarwalla.home.blog/blog/bl
Comments